Strategy:
Imagine your sentence is a complicated knot of words that seems to offer no space for your fingernails to dig and pull the strands loose. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to cut the Gordian knot and find the writer’s intention. Can you find the hidden subject buried under a pile of modifiers? Can you rescue the action verb from its exile at the end of the sentence? And most importantly, can you decide which word deserves the spotlight at the grand finale of your sentence?
Instructions:
Sentence Selection: Choose a convoluted sentence from the provided list (see Further Resources section.) Pick one that makes you scratch your head and say, "Wait, what?"
Subject Spotting: Play detective and hunt for the true subject of the sentence. It might be hiding behind a curtain of prepositional phrases or disguised as a subordinate clause. Once found, circle it triumphantly!
Verb Voyage: Embark on a quest to find the main action of the sentence. When discovered, draw it closer to your subject like a magnet attracting iron filings.
Stress Test: Identify the most crucial information in the sentence. What's the takeaway? The punchline? The nugget of wisdom? This VIP (Very Important Phrase) gets the honor of closing out your rewritten sentence.
Rewrite Remix: Now, rewrite the sentence with your newfound insights. Keep it clear, concise, and pack a punch at the end. Don't be afraid to let go of unnecessary details – they're just dead weight holding your sentence back!
Alternate Reality (optional): For an extra challenge, try rewriting the sentence again, but this time change the focus. What if a different subject took center stage? What if another action became the star of the show? Play with possibilities and see how it changes the sentence's impact.
Tags: sentence structure, clarity, revision, syntax, emphasis, stress position
Category: Manuscript Revision > Revise Language
Example:
Sentence Selection: "Though it was met with varying degrees of attention from the students, the teacher, who had spent hours preparing, explained the lesson clearly."
Subject Spotting: The true subject of the sentence is "the teacher."
Verb Voyage: The main action is "explained," which I'll move closer to the subject.
Stress Test: The most crucial information appears to be the varying degrees of attention from the students, as this creates tension in the scene.
Rewrite Remix: Here's my rewritten version: "The teacher explained the lesson clearly, having spent hours preparing, but the students paid varying degrees of attention."
Alternate Reality: Let's shift the focus to the students: "The students' attention wandered despite the teacher's clear explanation. Her hours of preparation went unnoticed as some doodled, others daydreamed, and a few listened intently."
Further Resources:
Here are 24 obfuscated sentences with which to practice.
People
Though it was met with varying degrees of attention from the students, the teacher, who had spent hours preparing, explained the lesson clearly.
He admired the painting, despite the crowded gallery and the noise from the street outside, John did, hanging in the far corner of the room.
Places
An extensive collection of rare books can be found in the library on Main Street, nestled between a coffee shop and a florist.
Filled with children playing, especially on sunny afternoons, is the park near my house, a place of joy and laughter.
Things
On the mantel, chiming every hour with a sound that echoed through the house, stood the old clock, which was slightly out of sync.
In a sleek, black case, arrived her new laptop, which she had ordered online after much deliberation.
Events
An unforgettable experience was the concert last night, which many had anticipated for weeks, but some found disappointing.
Took place in a beautiful garden, the wedding ceremony, attended by close friends and family, who were pleased with the arrangements.
Actions
Carefully painted the landscape, capturing every detail with a precision that was almost obsessive, she did, while the world outside continued on.
Before the deadline, quickly typed the report he did, with fingers flying over the keyboard in a race against time.
Experiences
Visiting the ancient ruins, which stood as silent witnesses to a bygone era, was a surreal experience for everyone, yet left them pondering.
Up the mountain, challenging but rewarding, was the hike, an endeavor that tested their limits and endurance.
Description
Over the horizon, casting a golden glow across the ocean, the sun set, bringing an end to a long day.
Creaky floors and a musty smell, with cobwebs in every corner, characterized the old house, which had seen better days.
Dialogue
"Finally made it, I can't believe we did," said Sarah with a smile that lit up her face, though the journey was arduous.
"Coming to the party tonight, are you?" asked Tom eagerly, his eyes shining with anticipation, though unsure of the response.
Introspection
Made the right decision, she wondered, her mind swirling with doubt, questioning every choice she had ever made.
Past choices he reflected on, hoping he had learned from his mistakes, in a quiet moment of solitude.
Present Tense
Every morning to the market she walks, to buy fresh vegetables for her family, maintaining a routine that she finds comforting.
Whenever someone passes by the gate, barks loudly the dog, asserting its presence and guarding its territory.
Past Tense
The museum they visited, learning about the region's history, which fascinated them, despite the long lines.
After months of hard work, the team won the championship, a victory that was celebrated, though it came with its challenges.
Future Tense
Her new job she will start next Monday, embarking on a new career path, which she hopes will be fulfilling.
To Europe they are going to travel next summer, planning their itinerary meticulously, looking forward to the adventure.